Michael Delahoyde, PhD

Professor of English

Nymphoid Barbarian in Dinosaur Hell

NYMPHOID BARBARIAN
IN DINOSAUR HELL
(1997)


Notes: Troma. 90 minutes.
AKA: Dark Fortress
Lea: Linda Corwin
Marn: Paul Guzzi
With Alex Pirnie, Mark Deshaies, K. Alan Hooder,Scott Ferro, Ryan Piper

Produced: Alex Pirnie, Brett Piper
Written and Directed: Brett Piper
Music: The Astral Warriors


Summary: Thescene is obviously post-apocalyptic as Lea’s voice narrates: “DearDiary [a problem since we find out later that reading skills havebeen lost, nor is there evidence of sound recording equipment],the war when it came lasted just a day.” Footage from someother Troma films show chaos. “My childhood was a brief catatonicpause. Then one day I woke up a woman. I’m the daughter of a newage.” The radiation has turned “pets and livestock intogargantuan horrifying creatures. Now Tromaville has become a dinosaurhell.”

Marn or Mark or something, the good guy, huntsa dog until a large dino-worm attacks, receiving an arrow in theeye. Meanwhile, three savage men spy on the loincloth-clad Leaand chase her, calling her “bitch,” until a lake monstereats one of them and Marn and Lea then travel together.

Beachcombing mutants attack a wanderer andtheir leader cuts off a hand and eats it. The mutants attack Leaand Marn and lead her away. A somewhat crazy old man intoningthe Jabberwocky gives Marn a gun: “Beats your swords andaxes, eh?”

Lea escapes while the mutants watch a dinosaurfight. The mutant who fails to retrieve her is kicked by the leaderand then eaten by a dino. Lea meets up with a masked guy for awhile and discovers an ABC book which she practically can’t read.The mutant group recaptures Lea and the leader beats the maskedguy nearly to death. Eventually Lea fights this leader and thedino-worm tears off his left forearm.

Both Marn and Lea individually head towardsa castle, the way being pointed to Marn by the dying masked guy.Lea is chased into a skull-cave by mutants, but runs out chasedby a flying dragon who eats one of the mutants. Back inside shesees baby dragons hanging like bats, is cornered at a ledge abovea monster swamp, and is imprisoned. The mutilated leader is backand droolingly attacks her, but she smashes two bricks againsthis head. He forks her over to the mutants who are taunting amonster in a pit: “The hell with you; you’re lizard meat.”

One mutant is shot and Marn chases the leader.When Marn is being strangled, Lea shoots at the leader but misses.The two chase the bad guy along a ledge until Lea kicks him intothe monster swamp where he is torn apart and eaten. The two survivorsembrace.


Commentary:The flying lizard is a dragon/dinosaur combo, but otherwise the”dinosaur hell” is actually populated with mutant monster-things.This is the dullest and most pointless stretch of a Dungeons andDragons game it has ever been my misfortune to waste a Saturdaynight on.