(1993 / 1994)
PreCommentary: The Movies Unlimited catalogue description claims: “Sexysci-fi fantasy in which gorgeous, animal-skin clad cavewomen unleashtheir primitive sexual desires when a group of contemporary militarymen land on their island paradise. But getting in the way ofthe gal’s [sic] mating urges are some ferocious dinosaurs. RossHagen, Antonia Dorian and Michelle Bauer star in this Roger Cormanproduction.” TV Guide calls it “Campy sexploitation.”
Notes: RogerCorman presents. 85 minutes.
A Wyn-Ray Media Production (A Fred Olen Ray- Jim Wynerski Film)
Captain Jason Briggs: Ross Hagen
John Skeemer: Richard Gabai
Peter Spellos: Wilber “Turbo” Turbowski
Tom Shell: Wayne “The Brain” Kincaid
April: Antonia Dorian
May: Griffen Drew
June: Michelle Bauer
Sergeant Ben Healey: Steve Barkett
Queen Morganna: Toni Naples
Corporal Buzz Branagan: Bob Sheridan
Virgin Sacrifice: Becky LeBeau
High Priestess: Nikki Fritz
Executive Producer: Mike Elliott
Produced and Directed: Jim Wynerski and FredOlen Ray
Story: Bob Sheridan
Screenplay: Bob Sheridan and Christopher Wooden
Special Effects: Hal Miles and John Carl Buechler
Music: Chuck Cirino
Summary: A topless, painted woman dances at a ritual sacrifice of a screamingtied woman. All drummers and attendants are women. Dino feetapproach and we see briefly a slobbering bloody dino mouth.
Cut to military plane and the narration ofCaptain Jason Briggs, introducing Sergeant Ben Healey, pilot CorporalBuzz Branagan, and three privates under arrest for going AWOL:Wilber “Turbo” Turbowski, Wayne “The Brain”Kincaid, and John Skeemer (a smirky Steve Guttenberg wannabe). The plane goes down so we can have credits.
They raft to an uncharted island with Buzzhurt. Their gear from the crash is mysteriously gathered. Skeemeris glad to have his Playpen magazine. Turbo alone sees a femalewarrior, until all hear splashing and discover women with spears. Skeemer cries “Yabba Dabba Doo” regarding what he refersto as the “hooters on those babes.” Meanwhile, a dinosaurhas attacked Buzz and Wayne on the beach. The soldiers shootat it, but the women with spears arrive and drive it off afterit has eaten Buzz. “Surrender or die,” claims a warrioress,wanting to kill “Uncle Sam.” That the Captain claimsto give orders raises a laugh among the women since men are “brainlessbeasts. They march off at spearpoint.
Coming upon a bronto, the woman has to reassurethem that “Thunderbeast will not hurt you.” The menare made to kneel before the Queen of the tribe, who says, “Taketheir fire-spears.” The woman suggests, “Maybe theycan save us from the Great One.” Skeemer: “Jackie Gleason?” They are sentenced to work in the pit, but the Captain and Sergeantrebel and escape while the other three are recaptured. Skeemer’ssmiley-face tattoo saves them as the mark of the savior. Backto the queen. In famine time, predicted the sacred scrolls, fivegods would emerge from the ocean and deliver the tribe from theGreat One. The soldiers must slay a dinosaur.
Three warrior princesses, later dubbed MissApril, May , and June in reference to the porno mag, bathe toplessin front of the soldiers. We learn that missionaries taught themEnglish and disappeared into the jungle trying to kill the GreatOne. The men are given back their guns, and they give the womenthe magazine, claiming it is a sacred scroll. Wandering about,Skeemer exclaims, “Look, it’s the worst creature of all,the Sarge-asaurus.” The reunion of the five is interruptedby a triceratops attack. They shoot repeatedly and kill it, butSarge is killed too.
At the burial ground, Wayne’s wounded arm preventshim from helping to dig the grave. May takes him into the woodsand a hot spring, performs a ceremony, and heals his arm withthe water. As thanks, she asks Wayne, “Teach me page 34.” Sex ensues.
The triceratops kill will feed the whole villagefor a week. But the Queen notes that this is “just a babybeast of armor. The Great One is ten times as big.” Sothe men must die. June challenges the Queen to a ceremonial duelto save their lives. Chick fight. Party.
An insect problem accounts for the famine,and Wayne concocts a pesticide. Skeemer plans to date April andropes cowardly Turbo into helping him hunt pterodactyl, her favoritefood. Their prey escapes, though, so Skeemer passes off someturtle instead and teaches April “kiss,” until she screams,”Dear gods, the Great One.” Skeemer: “Hey, I haven’teven taken it out yet.” A tyrannosaur roars and chases themto a cave, where Skeemer discovers gold, starts collecting it,but is attacked by the beast of the cave. He spears this creaturein the mouth.
The Captain is taken to the Queen and theyagree to get the men off the island. She gives him a map to wherea radio and supplies are buried from another wreck. April andSkeemer meanwhile discover a gigantic blue egg of the tyrannosaur. After wisecracking and mugging at the camera, Skeemer talks Aprilinto sex. The Captain digs up supplies and ammo. All are summonedto the Queen again. The women are next in line for sacrificein a couple days at the spring equinox, although there’s a questionabout virgin sacrifice qualifications.
The four soldiers and the three women undergoa mission to the egg to slay the beast. They await in a cave. Turbo and June walk together and, since Turbo is fat, balding,and pock-marked, we don’t have to see them having sex. The T-Rexmeanwhile is attacking the village and biting the arm of one warrior. The final scheme is to use June as bait for the T-Rex. She screams,attracts the dino, and the others attack. Turbo lobs a grenadeinto the mouth of the tyrannosaur and blows its head off.
Skeemer and April are married; the Queen convincesthe Captain to stay on the island; everyone is full of smirkyglee; and a baby tyrannosaur looks on and laughs.
Commentary: This is real “USA Up All Night” fare–sleaze-lite–thekind of film that almost makes me ashamed to have devoted my entirelife to dinosaur films. It does have the examples of fixationon the dinosaur mouth though! (See? Told ya!)