Galaxy of the Dinosaurs


Notes: Suburban Tempe Co. 85 min.
Captain Kronik: James Black
Morda: Christine Morrison
Benj: Tom Hoover
Professor Geting: Bill Morrison
Doctor Forband: Scott Emerson
Graft / Gurtorius Gonimus: James L. Edwards
Bob the Caveman: Joseph Daw

Executive Producer: David DeCoteau
Producer: J.R. Bookwalter
Story: Thomas Brown
Written: Jon Killough
Directed: Lance Randas
Dinosaur Animation: S. “Tock” Foutage.

Summary: We see the planet and spaceship from Planet of Dinosaursand learn that this is a mission from planet Zyrox not wantingto get too close to Earth. Although Benj is hungry, the othersare horrified by “the ruler of their food empire,” RonaldMcDonald. Graft, on the monitor, tells these five on the shuttlethat it’s not Earth, but the planet Gurgon and that the ship hasbeen sabotaged. He seems to blow up and the five materializeon the planet (the grim and wooded Mogadore, Ohio, actually). They have a food problem because there is “lots of vegetationbut no sign of animal life.” Benj wants a cheeseburger:a “greasy meat disk slapped with a slab of coagulated milkproduct.”

They are being watched. Morda and Benj areterrorized byt he giant spider from Planet of Dinosaurs. They all get stoned on sprouts and laugh as Dr. Forband is takenoff and eaten by a T-Rex from Planet of Dinosaurs.

Dawn breaks on Marblehead. They encountermore stock footage, which interrupts Morda’s come-on to the Captain. A “caveman” appears and leads them to leaves to eat,but more stock footage interrupts. Benj salivates over stockfootage of the T-Rex eating a fresh and bloody carcass. He doesthe same.

The caveman, Bob, insists that dinosaurs ateprevious visitors to the planet: “the monsters made a mealof them, one by one.” When Morda asks, “How do youlike your monster cooked, Bob?” Bob turns out to be vegetarian:”I don’t think it’s right to cause pain and suffering toother creatures.” “Why? They think it’s all rightto cause pain and suffering to you.” Benj is sick, and theraw meat and intestinal worms are blamed. The torosaur from Planetof Dinosaurs kills him (a la Harvey). That night, the Professoris taken and eaten by the T-Rex (a la Derna). The Captain screamsat an imagined (but real) controlling enemy.

The Captain and Morda fight until the T-Rexcharges and dies on the stake set up in Planet of Dinosaurs. Graft appears and theorizes that the planet is an experiment,but Kronik insists it’s “more of a game than a scientificexperiment” and blames Graft, who takes off his mask to revealthe deformed Gurtorius Gonimus, scapegoat of the Emperor of Zyroxwho intended the planet to serve as a gulag. Gurtorius assumedthe shape of Graft and built Bob. About to kill Captain Kronik,the T-Rex reappears and eats him.

Morda insists that she and the Captain mustnow repopulate (“re-“?) the planet by breeding. TheCaptain confesses, “I’m gay.” They wander until seeinga sight that has the Captain screaming “Bastards!” They’ve been on Earth all along, but Earth destroyed. We seea McDonalds arch half buried in the sand (a la Planet of theApes).

Commentary: The dinosaurs are all cannibalized from the cheesy Planet of Dinosaurs (1978), so that this film rather interestingly lampoons the technique of recycling old footage, here intercuttingbarren rocky scenes of footage with the be-saplinged Ohio sequences. Otherwise, this film’s real attempts at humor just remind you how short life is.